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Trust, Love, Pain

It really hurts. Physically.

To not know why, to not understand. To still wait. To be unable to give up.

Everything has fallen apart, without warning. I feel as if I am trapped in a nightmare and cannot claw my way out.

And it hurts like nothing else.

I've lost my world before, everything abandoned me. friends. hopes. the future I planned for myself. but that at least had a reason- my skull was cracked open and I had to start over.

But this? 

What reason behind it all does this have? 

Just about dead

Damnit dc_yaoi. You've killed my LJ account. Seriously, I haven't been on in over a year and I know exactly the reason why. dc_yaoi. and fucking kaishin.

I am So sick and tired of that damn narcissistic pairing I've stopped going on LJ. Stopped checking up on dc_yaoi. stopped writing fanfiction in general and basically only rp'd for over a year.


I hate kaishin. I hatehatehate it. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!  Shinichi is literally a parody of Kaito. The gagbook character that took a life of his own. Don't get me wrong! I love DC. but seriously guys! They look almost the same! hell they have the same voice actor!!

Why are you wasting time on wanking to pesudo twincest when there are fantastic alternate pairings?!

Like HeiShin. My god yes HeiShin. They're partners. friends. Heiji is utterly devoted, loyal, smitten by Shinichi. He's Shinichi's equal, saved his life numerous times- often at nearly the cost of his own- and they have the cutest canon scenes. He's a character Shin'ichi clearly cares for too. and trusts.

So why is it I can count on one hand the quality fanfiction i've read for HeiShin?? One of my favorites is 'Time Out' and that's almost onesided.


And Kaito fans- why are you forgetting the awesome character Hakuba Saguru?? I keep seeing stupid ass kaishin fics where Shinichi figures out who KID is- but haven't you people forgotten?? Saguru already did!

Conan has 'foiled' KID very, very few times. Almost every time KID crosses over, he not only gets the jewel (and returns it) but puts on an awesome show and then manages to get away. (which is great fun to watch)

The very first time Saguru was in the manga? he destroys all of KID's escape routes before the heist, confronts him and manages to make Kaito look like a fool. The best part being he's not after KID to arrest him for being a thief, or because he plain hates him- he wants to know why KID is a thief. He knows KID better than anyone in the series, helps him on numerous occasions and as silly as the MK characters looked at the start has proven to be a rather dashing gentleman (and totally has a great sense of fashion. >x> lol) 

How many times had Conan called Kaito to help him with a heist? What's that? never? gofuckin'figure.

Saguru has. from paris. it was cute.

and a bonus of both these pairings? it doesn't look like they're boffing a mirror.


my turn I suppose ^_^

1. What curse word do you use the most?
hm, Blast maybe. close second being Damn it or fuck. recently buggerall.

2. Do you own an iPod?
nope. I still have an old CDplayer

3. What person on your flist do you talk to the most?
flist? well the person i talk to most is Eiri(heartofShou) hands down. If we aren't iming, we're texting. or talking face to face. or both. or all three.

4. What time is your alarm clock set to?

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?

romantically? yeah
Platonically? no, i imagine it was my mum or dad. Or Roddog.

6. Do you remember where you were on 11/9/01?
assuming it's 11th of September 2001?

I watched the towers fall on the news before school.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Take the picture. I'm not fond of being in pictures >,> bad for anonymity

8. What was the last movie you watched?
^_^ Mononoke-hime ^+^ I went to Eiri's house and wanted to watch it, so we did

9. Do any of your friends have children?
none of my close friends.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
Yep- including myself.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
used to need it ^_^* but not anymore

12. What cd is currently in your cd player?
Character Playlist put together by hoS

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
regular and percent too, from whipping cream to fatfree~

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
it's a secret

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
hm a month ago? I really perfer Sb to most of the other coffeeshops, but I mostly drink tea at home ^_^*

16. Can you whistle?

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
the same things I notice about the same sex.

18. What are you looking forward to?
AX!!!!! >D<

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Of Course!! The good stuff too, none of this idiotic shit that kids watch today *grumblegrumble*

20. Do you own any band t-shirts?
A BonJovi oversized shirt for lounging. ^_^* I'm not a huge fan, but it was my first concert so why not ^_^

21. What will you be doing in one hour?
reading probably. and Rping with Eiri

22. Is anyone in love with you?
LOLOLOL No I sincerely doubt that.

23. What was the last song you heard?
À Tout Le Monde by MegaDeath

24. Last time you cried?
not sure

25. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Desktop =/

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Yep, I am hoping to get a tattoo this year (been wanting it for a long while) of my personal design. I'd like to get my cartilage re-pierced too, but I want to wait and get more titanium studs since i have the least allergic reaction to titanium. (<-has super bad metal allergy)

27. What’s the weather like?
Weather? what is this 'weather' you speak of?

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos?
I don't really date. But well done tattoos are seriously attractive to me. if it's quality art I tend to want to stare and study all the detail, and trace it too. which becomes a bit of a problem sometimes *cough* (look with your eyes not with you hands Erro! >_<)

29. What did you do before this?
Checked my email and my friends on livejournal to see if there were any fanfiction of the HakuKai/Kid or HeiShin/Con variety *waaaant*

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor?
uh, not sure...

31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
to function? 4. I however prefer to sleep a minimum of 8- sometimes more because >_> I'm very lazy.

Unless I there are other people sleeping in the same room as me. in that case I sleep very little and very lightly.

32. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Nope. More like rarely. I had a bagel this morning though!

33. Are your days fast-paced?
not at all ^_^*

34. What did you do last night?
tried rping with pooks. I had a serious writer's block though so we didn't get to do much T^T

35. Do you use sarcasm?
=_= No. Nee~ever.

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
22. I'm the middle friend.

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Yep. I have to be due to my awful spelling haha. I also tend to forget periods and overuse commas, so if I don't pay attention to spelling and grammar I'll just fall back into bad habits. Maybe it is because of this, that it irritates me when other people don't try.

my texts and rps tend to make it look like I'm not though haha

38. Have you ever been to six flags?
Yesh! I went a few times before 03 and LOVED it. *roller-coaster wiggledance*

I SO miss the roller-coasters~

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex?
?? same? opposite?

40. Do you like mustard?

41. Do you sleep on your side?
Yep, my left side. It's because (I think) my Left ear is my working ear, and when I sleep I wanna block out sound. (which has been a problem this week because of my messed up arm lol oh well~)

42. Do you watch the news?
The Daily Show when it's on and I happen to be watching TV.

43. How did you get one of your scars?
Hm I have two little scars under one of my eyes where I was stung by a wasp as a kid. Oh and I still have small scars on me left hand where I was attacked by a wasp nest as a younger kid. >,> I'm not fond of wasps...

but it's a bummer- I don't have any visible scars from 03! LAME! I don't seem to scar easily =/

44. Who was the last person to make you mad?
>,> full out anger? not sure; I don't really remember. irritated? uh >,> the tv *cough* I'm a volatile person.

45. Do you like anybody?
Yep!~^+^ none romantically though ^_^*

46. What is the last thing you purchased?
hm um Oh, ^_^* two bubble swords~

47. What side of the heart do you draw first?
I tend to go back and forth. but maybe the right? probably, I am right handed after all.

48. Can you dive without plugging your nose?
Who plugs their nose while diving? o_O

49. What colour is your razor?
metal? the razor part at least >D>

50. What is your blood-type?
AB~ I'm rare and wanted. Although I have odd blood that doesn't like going back into my body *grumble*

51. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
hm hoS I guess, I mean I tend to hand off them anyway haha

52. What is a rumor someone has spread about you?
no clue. =/

53. How do you feel about carrots?
Yum~ steam 'em, that's all you need to do. Although caramelized carrots are pretty tasty too.

54. How many chairs at the dining room table?
4 at the table, 6 in total.

55. Which is the best Spice Girl?

56. Do you know what time it is?
11:28 am

57. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?
No >_< oh the shame!

58. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
hm keep rping ^_^*

if I can't rp then I'd probably read and/or nap.

59. What’s your favorite kind of gum?

60. T or F: All’s fair in love and war?
hm people who think that are only going to end up with dead bodies and broken hearts

61. Do you have a crush on anyone?
repeat question?

62. Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
I imagine so. Many words I learn through the context of the sentence they are in. I still have trouble with the word droll. I tend to think it means 'boring' or 'contemptuous', even though I know it's actual definition is 'humorous' or 'whimsical', because when reading it as a kid it was meant sarcastically. ^_^*

63. Do you like to sleep?
Yesh~ I love to sleep.

64. Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings Time?
Arizona and Hawaii

65. Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
Nope. I've probably heard it a few times since it's a favorite of hoS but- *looks it up* Oh, my mistake ^_^* I do know that song (it being 80s music) but it's hm >,> forgettable.

66. Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang?
Who's offering?

67. What’s something you’ve always wanted?
A laptop. I recently (does last yule still count as recently?) got another something I've really wanted (PS3)- and then for my birthday I got the two games I've reallyreally wanted so I'm pretty damn happy ^_^

68. Do you have hairy LEGS?
Why is legs capitalized? o_O

69. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
uh... depends on where the ocean and lake are...

70. Do you wear a lot of black?
I try, black is the most comfy of colors~

71. Describe your hair:
Dark brown (with natural hints of red) and disobedient. =/ I need to cut it again.

72. Do you have Entomophobia?
no. I don't like bugs in large quantities, and if I find bugs in the kitchen it really really grosses me out (>,> looking at you Eiri...)

but I'm not afraid of them. I know it's not a bug but I put a wild tarantula on my face once.

73. Are you an adult?
Legally so, although I would argue my personality is a bit juvenile at times haha

74. Where is/are your best friend(s)?
hm well I Know hoS is at work... I imagine the boss is at home =/ maybe.

75. Do you have a tan?
I'm glow in the dark pale right now.

76. Are you a television addict?
Nah. there are a few shows I like to watch often, and I can accidentally spend a whole day watching tv if there is a marathon of something I like (curse you NCIS and Doctor Who!!) but I'm not a big tv watcher.

77. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Yeah, most of the time. we both have tempers though and tend to butt heads if we spend too much time around each other haha.

78. Are you a sugar freak?
Nope I generally like savory more.

79. Do you like orange juice?
I love all things Oranges. @x@ I was addicted for a while. Not even joking, for a while I was eating a large orange for breakfast with a large glass of oj. same for lunch. ...and dinner... ...and dessert...and snacks throughout the day...

80. What sign are you?
Tropical Taurus, sidereal Aries


business cards

So I was on that silly Quiz site Pooks went to and tried to take a few. but they're mostly randomly generated results so I got bored fast.
Until I found the 'business card' generator>D> I put in my name, but the result was rather boring. I put in Hattori Heiji and found the result hilarious~ 

So Hattori Heiji and Kamiyama Itsuki business cards- behold them~ :


Hattori Heiji

Was Cleopatra in a past life


gorgeous dark skinned sex-symbol adored by many?

Kamiyama Itsuki

Inventor of Post-its


super funny if you've seen "Dead Like Me" lololol

Hattori Heiji

Able to open mail with toes


you think his toes are dexterous? ~

Kamiyama Itsuki

Now with opposable thumbs




Hattori Heiji

Liked by dogs


Why Hattori-sama, what big eyes you have~


Kamiyama Itsuki

Amateur Stalker



Hattori Heiji

Tastes like Lemon Pie

...there is just...so much to say about this.... but I can't type it out through the lolz!

Kamiyama Itsuki

~ will teach you to ~

Kill someone with a piano wire


I thought knives were more your thing...


Hattori Heiji

Strip Chess World Champion


I should me more surprised...

the really weird part is I'm not picking and choosing...these are the order they're coming in....


Kamiyama Itsuki

Tastes like Lemon Pie


Normally repeats are boring. 

but no. I'm still laughing.

Hattori Heiji

General of the Army of Narnia


I don't think he's that far back in the closet ^_^*


Kamiyama Itsuki

~ will teach you to ~

Use an Easy Bake Oven.


Sorry Itsuki...but I don't think Shinichi can master even that...

Hattori Heiji

Amateur canine exorcist


I'm confused... I thought dogs like you...


Kamiyama Itsuki

~ will teach you to ~

Use your powers for evil




Hattori Heiji

~ will teach you to ~



Groove. riiiight.



pet peeve

Been stumbling while I was eating lunch and maybe I accidentally set my stumble bar to 'annoying sob stories' because that's what I keep getting.

Admittedly a few are pretty good, like the article on this guy in Australia that lives across from a popular suicide jump point and likes to help talk people down. Pretty spiffy.

But that's not my complaint. My complaint is on the articles about women talking about how 'devastated' they are to learn they are barren.

Why is that so sad? I don't get it. Did it not occur to these featherbrains that there are plenty of children of all ages to choose from if they just look into adopting? As if the population is so desperate that we need another fleshbeing to be brought into the world? 

bah whatever. Just a pet peeve of mine.


first line meme

first line meme

List the first lines of your last twenty stories. See if you find any patterns.

  1. Everything will be alright, he once told me- and although it took a long time to believe him- in the end he was right.
  2. The Osakan detective made a strangled sort of squeak, but didn't shy away.
  3. The kisses were becoming heavy again, much to Shinichi's delight.
  4. "Who do you see when I do ya?"
  5. He sat up, lazy, tired, but oh so sated in the humid, dark room.
  6. "Switcheroo?" France suggested and Prussia grinned, Spain giving a nod.
  7. "Well you'll always have us eh?"

  8. Conan wasn't afraid of much.
  9. It was something he'd never be able to change, turn back. rewind. Try again.
  10. Finally after so many battles- after loosing so much- their journey was at an end.
  11. For the most part- with the exception of Sheena, Presea and Regal (who’s quivering lip of sympathy was only just noticeable, but was too polite to be too obvious) – the group stared at Lloyd in horror.

  12. When I was 5 the he took me aside; took me to the great church that I was already very familiar with.
  13. 'So what? You aren't special, so get over yourself.' the words felt burnt in the young half-elf's mind.

  14. Ever since the end of the journey Presea had found herself with a lot of time on her hands.
  15. Lloyd decided he hated the desert. Hated it with a passion he usually kept in reserve for desians and really stupid commissions.
  16. Nik stared at the hollow black tube and trigger pointing at him.
  17. Duo didn't get drunk often.
  18. Some romance novels my aunt used to read all the time likened to becoming a blood sucker to a number of things, first and foremost sex, then a rush of strength and then all the super powers and glowing and whatever else the two bit writer thought would sound sexy to lonely readers with too much extra time and too little sense. It's not.
  19. Hakuba frowned at the ‘newspaper’ left on his desk.
  20. Mother used to use knives in the kitchen.

summary: ....my first sentences are short and some may suggest content not really in the fic... ///

also I tried to put them in order of most recent to oldest, but I only have gdoc and my messy memory to go by so they ended up mixed up anyway. oh well.


When characters ignore sensibility

wtf Itsuki?! gaaah


So I had an interesting scene idea plotted out in my head. I was like "cool. let's do this." 

And then Itsuki is like "I'm going to do this instead" 

@_@ but-but WHAT?! noo wait!~ focus! back to-

Itsuki *not listening to my panic* hmm

Nooooz Itsuki *waving those things people at airports wave* Danger!~Danger!! go Back *points with both hands* 

Itsuki: hm. no. 



I have a great idea for a written project!

For each of the following characters mentioned in the following song write a drabble. feel free to add a tektek of what you think the might look like. 

the song is called a Gorey Demise and can be found on my playlist  http://www.playlist.com/playlist/18756054283
lyricsCollapse )
have fun ^_^



Chapter two of Ripple Effect is edited and posted on to ripple_effectau yay

I know I most likely missed stuff while editing, although we counted it to 20 that was without any spacing between paragraphs, and on single space between lines, when I put it to 1.5 to read it more easily, it went to 30 pages. jeeze

I'll have to keep a closer eye next time >_>

anyway, hopefully the first wave LJ readers will help catch what I missed so when I post it onto ff.net it will be perfect ^_^ yay

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Everyone!

so while this year wasn't the best it could have been, I'd prefer to think it could have been worse.

resolutions for the year

eh I have them but it may be bad luck to write them out...



when asked to chose between light and dark; I Chose the Grey

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July 2011


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